Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Oh My!

As I sit here with the girls watching them eat lunch I can't help but think of how lucky I am to have both of them. They are both wonderful and unique...and simply meant to be my daughters.


I also can't help but think of some of the ignorant comments that I have heard this week.


People really are ignorant. They will say things to you that they would never ever say if you were a biologically formed family. As a Mother of two daughters who are asian I expect people to ask questions and that is okay when they are respectful. I do wish that people would just ask me NORMAL questions "How old are they" or "What preschool does your daughter attend"?....but realistically that is not always going to happen. :) BUT-When they start to ask a barrage of personal questions and in front of my girls I get very angry. This week I have tried to simply cut inappropriate questions off before they start while still being polite.

A sampling of the questions and comments have been:

"Is she yours"?
(Duh....she calls me MOMMY)!

"Do they like to eat noodles"?
(Huh?! Yeah like all toddlers they like carbs...they also love Mexican food).

"Where was she found"?
(Excuse me but that is nobodys business).

"How much does it cost"?
(My children did not "cost" anything and how are the adoption fees your business)?

"Yeah- China does not want their girls. The parents just throw them away or kill them".
(Wow, did you just say that out loud? And in front of my daughter? China has a very different government and set of rules regarding pregnancy and families. Both of my daughter's birth mothers had to make a very, very difficult choice. I am grateful that they were strong enough to give their beautiful daughters a chance to have a good life).

Honestly I could go on and on with more examples, but I have made my point. Other adoptive Moms who read my blog will "get it".


Terry Bernatt said...

Oh, gosh, do I get it. The latest and greatest I'm getting from medical professionals (in front of both girls) is "are they sisters?" Good night! These are educated people. YIKES!
Wanted to tell you how excited I've been to follow your blog. Sophie looks sooooo good - hope you understand the small twinge of jealousy on my part as we schlep to 5 different appts. a week trying to help Amelia get up to speed. I know you understand. She is even more beautiful than when we "met" in China. What love can do!
Blessings to you family!
Terry - mom to Sophie's Yangxi sister Amelia

mom2eliza said...

Oh Megan, I can so relate to this post. I've got to find a phrase to memorize that will cut people off before their questions digress to the point of ignorance and embarassment for my girls. Can you only imagine when Meiying comes home and joins our family at the age of 6/7? I've already been getting all the ignorant questions and thank goodness she's not here yet. I really have to come up w/ something tasteful, but poignant too. Hmmm.....

Beth said...

Yes, I can relate. And really, I don't get as many questions or comments as I had expected to, but they usually catch me off guard, and the older Katie gets, the more concerned I am about the questions we are asked.
I can tell you one GREAT response that I read on a Yahoo group one time. When someone asks, "How much did it cost?" You can respond with, "Tell me how much is in your savings and I'll tell you if you can afford it." I've never had the nerve to say it though. ha,ha

Tanya Alchaar said...

Kind of like folks that ask me 'do twins run in your family?'... if the answer is no, basically they are asking me if I had fertility issues... I don't make a habit of discussing that with strangers. ;) I was in BJ's (our Samsclub) one time and a woman came up to me and within 3 minutes, I knew how many miscarriages and IVF cycles she'd been through... she had NO idea if my babies were from fertility treatments or not... hadn't gotten around to discussing it, she just assumed! People are dumb! ;)

ourchinagirls said...

We always get the "Are they sisters?" question. We always respond "They are now." The girls will even tell people that "We are now" Remember how you respond will teach your girls how to respond later on. We meet questions with questions of our own so we can tell if they are truly interested in adopting. The "How much did it cost?" We respond, "Do you want info on adopting?" If they say no, then I say...."What cost can you put on the life of a child?" or "They are priceless."


Jill W said...

I once had someone ask me if Macie was my real daughter. My reply was "Well, she's not plastic". Probably not the nicest way to address it, but sometimes the questions do get tiring. Especially when you know people are just being nosey. Sincere inquiries about adoption are always welcome :)

Christi and Abbey said...

Wonderful to see you with Sophie! Two sweet sisters that look like they are going to have a wonderful time together. Congratulations!!

Corey said...

Oh boy, Megan! Yes, I understand. The other day I was at a gas station and the guy behind the counter looked at me and Lex and asked, "Chinese?" I said, "Yes. German?" and gestured to him.

The Shifflett Family said...

Hi Megan,

I am glad to hear that Sophie is doing well and bonding with Emmma. Yes, I get it. I am always surprised when people, especially the "educated" ones ask such dumb questions.

Mom 2 six said...

I hear you on these.

Julie said...

The western suburbs playgroup just recently had a discussion night to discuss how to address stupid comments like these. The best answer I took from the night was, "why do you ask?" That throws the question back to them so you have more time to think and they can think why they are asking too.

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